A little while ago, Will from Pride Promotions asked if the folks at Fallen Angel Reviews and I would consent to a fiction-based battle of wits for the souls of all mankind (or something.) We both said "Sure! Why the hell not!" What transpired in that epic and harrowing battle lies below - a word for word transcript. This could get ugly...
Our esteemed panel of judges, hand-picked by Will himself, will be the ultimate arbiters of any and all decisions. (I'm stealing the one on the lower right after we're done here. Don't tell Will.):
Welcome Will, our host and master of ceremonies!
In this corner, weighing in at (mumbles) pounds, Angel Martinez, author of ‘Finn’! And in this corner, weighing in at (mumbles again) pounds, Fallen Angel Reviews! (Apologies to the audience members, I was threatened with bodily harm if I gave any numbers for weights. It was purely an instinctive reaction to keeping my boy bits. My family jewels may have lost their luster, but I would prefer to keep them in the family.)
This will be a winner take none competition! The rules are simple. The Angel which answers the most questions correctly and in the shortest period of time, will be crowned Archangel from now until eternity. Or 5 pm when they have to have the costume returned to the rental place or we lose our deposits…(and they’d better not leave pit stains.)
Question #1 comes from Silvia Violet: Can you name all six members of Ty Grady's Force Recon team?
Fallen Angel: So….
Angel Martinez: I think so, um, as long as we don't need real, full names for all of them - B. Tyler Grady, Nick, Kelly, Digger, Sanchez (who died) and the sixth guy who has a little bit of an issue with Ty being gay and damn it, I don't remember his name.
Winner: None. The correct answer (per Silvia Violet who knows these boys a little too well…) Ty, Nick, Kelly, Digger, Sanchez and Owen.
Question #2 comes from an anonymous person: Can you name the lead characters in SJD Peterson’s Plan B?
Fallen Angel: Crap! I haven’t read that yet. But it is on my wish list. Does that count?
Angel Martinez: think Dave and Lance? No, wait, Danny and Lance. Yes. Final answer.
Winner: None. While Angel Martinez did eventually have the correct answer, there isn’t a second chance when you’re in the running for Archangel.
Can you name the lead characters in Someone to Keep Me by KC Wells and Parker Williams?
Fallen Angel: I read this, I swear I did! Go ahead, ask me what it’s about. Name the characters…I got nothing.
Angel Martinez: OK - this one I've actually done promo for, so I should know it. Ben and...and...Scott (once again, don't ask me for last names.)
Winner: None. Though Angel Martinez got the first names, the question was for the names, which means the first names alone were not acceptable. The actual answer is Ben Winters and Scott Keating.
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Fallen Angel: The woodchuck would upchuck if it chucked much wood.
Angel Martinez: Woodchucks couldn't care less about chucking wood. Really, they find this rather offensive. But if they did care, they'd chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck. That is, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
Winner: Both, because you made me snort.
K-Lee Klein wrote a story about Devon and Scott. Name the book.
Fallen Angel: *I haven’t Googled once yet. I get points for that right, Will?* I have no idea. But I’ll go buy it if you tell me.
Angel Martinez: Lazy Bastards? Wait...wait...Lazy Sunday, I think it was.
Winner: None. Once again Angel Martinez tried to sneak in with a second guess. And sorry, Fallen Angel, this was an open book test.
Would Will Parkinson eat a steak. If not, why not?
Fallen Angel: Will and meat…nah, too easy. :-P
Angel Martinez: If Will Parkinson ate a steak his head would implode and the universe would end in a fiery ball of agony. No. Will is a vegetarian. I'm not even sure he could point to a steak in the supermarket.
Winner: Fallen Angel, even if she was too shy to say it. Tube steak was a perfectly acceptable answer. (And for the record, Angel Martinez, I’m vegan, not vegetarian, so you would have lost no matter what.)
What animal fits Freddy MacKay’s personality?
Fallen Angel: All of the above? Wait! C, the answer is always C. Right?
Angel Martinez: Squirrel. I have the memes to prove it.
Winner: Angel Martinez. Freddy is a squirrel. Proven by the fact she’s constantly looking for nuts. (Which is why I hide when she’s around.)
Buffy: Angel or Spike and why?
Fallen Angel: I’ve seen a Facebook meme that has Spike draped over a cross and it says, “Angel was cursed with a soul and had to live with it. Spike, however, fought for his soul. He wanted his soul. I think this makes Spike the better person and guy for Buffy.” What a load of crap!!! Spike didn’t “fight” for his soul. He went to the demon so he could go back to being what he once was. So it turns out his “greatest desire” was to have his soul back. Doesn’t count. That’s so not why he went there.
Oh, right. Angel, totally.
Angel Martinez: Some folks might make the argument that one was better for Buffy or one was the better person than the other. Ha! Who the freak cares? Spike is way hotter, cooler, (seems like a contradiction, but it's not) snarkier and more fun to watch.
Spike, all the way.
Winner: Fallen Angel because DUH! And as an Angel, Angel Martinez, you should totally have known better.
Who makes up the Pulp Friction group?
Fallen Angel: I’m guessing this isn’t the movie with John Travolta, Samuel L. Jackson, Uma Thurman, etc.
Angel Martinez: Oh, I know these folks! (Very nice bunch of people, by the way.) Laura Harner, Tom Webb (w/a T.A. Webb) Lee Brazil and the ever-vivacious Havan Fellows.
Now for my next trick, I'm off to prove that time is a liquid and that the universe is actually dodecahedron shaped.
Judges, your decision please….(crowd waits with baited breath)
Will takes the envelope…his fingers tremble slightly as he opens it, knowing that the judges answer is final.
The Winner Is: Oh my gosh, it’s a tie! The judges have decreed that because of the tie I will be the de facto ruler of the universe! This was so unexpected. (Stop saying I rigged it. I did no such thing. (Dabs corner of mouth and winks at the judges….) Me, the winner. Go figure! This was totally unexpected.
(Okay, who didn't see that one coming? *grumble grumble Will grumble*)
Oh well - while you're here, don't forget to check out the new releases:
Three lovely novels for the Endangered Fae Series:
And the 6/11/14 release from Mischief Corner Books - Vassily the Beautiful!
Vassily Belikov, composer and pampered son of privilege, suffered neurological damage in the accident that killed his father. Resentful of being treated as an invalid, he lives as a recluse, dependent on his mother. That changes the day she brings home a new husband with two sons of his own.
When deep-space pirates capture Vassily's mother, he's left to the mercy of his cruel, amoral stepfather. Fighting addiction and his physical shortcomings, he's forced to seek out the criminal mastermind Baba Yaga for a crucial piece of equipment. While she agrees to deal with him if he beats his Exoticus addiction, paranoia and mysterious intentions infuse her household. Drawn to her fierce, suspicious youngest son, certain his actions are all carefully observed, Vassily must find the courage to face both his fears and his desires if he expects to survive.
And don't forget to enter the Rafflecopter at all of the blogs on Finn's Blog Tour!
Tour Dates: June 2, 2014 – June 13, 2014
June 2: Tara Lain
June 3: Parker Williams
June 4: Kimi-Chan, Jade Crystal, Talon SO
June 5: Book Reviews, Rants, and Raves, MM Good Books
June 6: Nephylim, Hearts on Fire
June 9: Prism Book Alliance
June 10: Love Bytes, My Fiction Nook
June 11: Fallen Angel Reviews
June 12: The Novel Approach
June 13: Amanda C. Stone, Velvet Panic
Angel writes (mostly) Science Fiction and Fantasy centered around queer heroes. Currently living part time in the hectic sprawl of northern Delaware and full time inside her head, she has one husband, one son, two cats, a love of all things beautiful and a terrible addiction to the consumption of both knowledge and chocolate.