Hi all! We're here today because 5/17 is the International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia.
I've talked about bi-erasure before and how difficult this can be for young people who are bi. I've heard all the sage comments that being bisexual is easier than being gay. That we can "pass." That we never have to come out or be put at risk. Sure. But this is true of gay and lesbian people as well. We can all choose to stay in out closets where it's "safer" and potentially self-destruct. But because there's so much misunderstanding about bisexuality, it's generally easier to pretend it doesn't exist. She has a boyfriend, so she's straight. He has a boyfriend, so he's gay. He really didn't like women all along and just had to wait for the right man to show up. Yeah. All of that. That's the bi-erasure part, where we're written out of novels and movies and TV, where we're assigned sexualities that aren't true for us. But sometimes that's easier to take than the amazing venom bi people experience from both the straight and the lesbian and gay communities. "Bisexuals are nothing but predators" a person said on a friend's Twitter the other day. It sets you back. It shocks you. Where did that come from? That statement certainly isn't the only one we get to hear, of course, but it was particularly hurtful because she was so smugly adamant about it, so sure of her self-righteous self. I did answer and told her that I'm bi and in my 50's, married for 26 years with never a divorce and with one grown college graduate son. Where is t he predator in that equation? Am I out trolling for young girls at night to fulfill the female part of my needs? Am I looking at everyone else's partner to try to snatch them away for my own satisfaction? Everyone who has met me in person is probably laughing hysterically at this image. Good gods, what a thought. No. I found someone to love and I married that person. He happens to be male, but I could have just as easily fallen for a female for my forever partner. But that's just it. I promised forever and I meant it. Just because I'm attracted to both men and women doesn't mean I'm any less faithful or any more apt to stray than anyone else. I've met so many more bisexual people in the last ten years than I did when I was young, maybe because we're becoming braver, more apt to talk about it, but most of the ones I've met are kindhearted, often shy and self-deprecating, concerned and compassionate rather than predatory. Bisexuals - not confused, not on the fence, not greedy, not copping out, not depraved, and not predators.
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13 Comments
Bronwyn Heeley
5/17/2015 01:39:48 am
I'm not sure if I ever had or not. I am the type of person who will do what i can for others without any thought for myself, without wanting something in return, and another one for not asking question why doing it. Unless someone wants to give me there backstory I ain't going to push for it, so who knows, in my life, if i have or not.
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Angel Martinez
5/17/2015 02:04:23 am
*hugs* And that's fine, too - if someone is not open about their sexuality, I feel it's none of anyone's business but their own. It's the assumptions that we make that we need to be a little more aware of :)
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5/17/2015 02:19:41 am
Nice post. I think part of the problem that really screws with bi identity is the heterosexism and hetero-normative norms in our culture. Like ridged gender norms every one gets shoved into one of two boxes, male and female and homosexual or heterosexual. Reality and individual experience be damned. A binary system doesn't know what to do with a third option!
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Angel Martinez
5/17/2015 02:35:58 am
Absolutely right, Stephen. We're taught to think in "this or that" almost from birth. That's a tough habit for humans to break.
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Jen
5/17/2015 04:54:30 am
I don't know if this would be "pay-it-forward" but I have work friends who have come out to me when they were still in the closet to everyone else at work. I have never been shy about by viewpoints and I was glad they felt comfortable with me. I also had the privilege of introducing two of my gay friends/coworkers to each other and they have been married now for years. :-)
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My daughter is just like you in as much as she is bi-sexual and married to the love of her life who happens to be male. I am appalled that someone thinks that makes here a predator. It is as misguided and ignorant as those people who say gay men are paedophiles or worse.
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Cornelia
5/17/2015 09:03:55 am
I try to see each person as a human being with a right to be treated as such. Nothing gives anyone the right to believe they are better than anyone else or that people deserve to be treated a certain way.
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Trix
5/17/2015 12:13:38 pm
I don't know why gender and sexuality are still so binary for so many people. I thought we would have overcome this in the 21st century...
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Antonia
5/19/2015 03:04:07 pm
Thanks for this post. I'm horrified that anyone would think someone a predator just because they're bisexual. The ignorance truly makes me sad and angry.
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Julie Small
5/20/2015 07:51:56 am
Great post. Not sure if I have paid-it-forward to the LGBTQ community or not. I am very respectful of people and never give their sexuality a thought.
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H.B.
5/20/2015 02:15:27 pm
Thank you for the post and for taking part in the hop!
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5/21/2015 05:15:26 am
In my opinion (for what it's worth), it's the loudmouths who ruin it for everyone. Sure. SOME bisexuals are predators. So are straight people, and gay men, and lesbian women. So?
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Sula
5/24/2015 01:23:26 pm
Thank you for being part of the blog hop and for sharing this information. I have a good friend who just so happens to be bi and I have never felt he was a predator, in fact he has been my protector on a number of occasions from the unwanted attention of a het person! He is in a long term loving relationship with another man, who defines himself on the Kinsey scale as gay.
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Angel writes (mostly) Science Fiction and Fantasy centered around queer heroes. Currently living part time in the hectic sprawl of northern Delaware and full time inside her head, she has one husband, one son, two cats, a love of all things beautiful and a terrible addiction to the consumption of both knowledge and chocolate. |
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