I've talked about bi-erasure before and how difficult this can be for young people who are bi. I've heard all the sage comments that being bisexual is easier than being gay. That we can "pass." That we never have to come out or be put at risk. Sure. But this is true of gay and lesbian people as well. We can all choose to stay in out closets where it's "safer" and potentially self-destruct. But because there's so much misunderstanding about bisexuality, it's generally easier to pretend it doesn't exist. She has a boyfriend, so she's straight. He has a boyfriend, so he's gay. He really didn't like women all along and just had to wait for the right man to show up. Yeah. All of that. That's the bi-erasure part, where we're written out of novels and movies and TV, where we're assigned sexualities that aren't true for us.
But sometimes that's easier to take than the amazing venom bi people experience from both the straight and the lesbian and gay communities.
"Bisexuals are nothing but predators" a person said on a friend's Twitter the other day.
It sets you back. It shocks you. Where did that come from? That statement certainly isn't the only one we get to hear, of course, but it was particularly hurtful because she was so smugly adamant about it, so sure of her self-righteous self. I did answer and told her that I'm bi and in my 50's, married for 26 years with never a divorce and with one grown college graduate son. Where is t he predator in that equation? Am I out trolling for young girls at night to fulfill the female part of my needs? Am I looking at everyone else's partner to try to snatch them away for my own satisfaction? Everyone who has met me in person is probably laughing hysterically at this image. Good gods, what a thought.
No. I found someone to love and I married that person. He happens to be male, but I could have just as easily fallen for a female for my forever partner. But that's just it. I promised forever and I meant it. Just because I'm attracted to both men and women doesn't mean I'm any less faithful or any more apt to stray than anyone else. I've met so many more bisexual people in the last ten years than I did when I was young, maybe because we're becoming braver, more apt to talk about it, but most of the ones I've met are kindhearted, often shy and self-deprecating, concerned and compassionate rather than predatory.
Bisexuals - not confused, not on the fence, not greedy, not copping out, not depraved, and not predators.